몰랐는데, 내가 어떤 공부를 하고싶은지 얘기하다 보면 말투라든지 표정이 굉장히 열심인가보다. 타고난 학자라거나 (에헴!), 학문적 관심이 대단히 깊어보인다거나 하는 얘기를 들으니 말이야. 그냥 나한테 흥미로운 것을 설명한다고 생각했는데, 드러내려 하지 않아도 뭔가 열정이 전달되나봐.

공부, 특히 입시공부는 그냥저냥 재밌게 하는 편이었지만 이런 기분은 처음이다. 내가 그동안 학문에 대해 얼마나 나태했는지, 정말로 좋아하는 게 보이니까 알겠어. 조금이라도 관련이 있는 건 다 읽고 싶고, 트위터니 비디오니 팟캐스트니 자꾸 찾아보게 된다. 아쉬운 소리 하는거 참 싫어했는데 이젠 이사람 저사람 다 붙잡고 도와달라고 하고 싶어져. 해야 한다고 생각해서가 아니라 깊이 원하니까 힘이 나는 거다.

이 새로운 꿈이 날 어디로 휩쓸어갈까, 이제는 불안감 대신 기대감으로 내일을 기다리고 있다. 정말로 원하는 것이 생기니까 이제는 미래가 초조하지도 않고, 남이 눈치보이지도 않는다. 물론 지금보다 힘든 날이 많이 있겠지만 그런 날에도 이 열정의 반짝임이 힘이 되기를, 그래서 하루하루 충실하고 행복하기를 나는 꿈꾼다.

Those of you who use Mark Forster's Do It Tomorrow system of time management may be looking for a good app to bring DIT to the  iPhone or iPod Touch. Others may be using an app already, but find it lacking for their needs and the specific contours of the DIT system. Perhaps some are considering a move to DIT, but wonder if there is good software support on their iPhone or iPod.

For the free-time-challenged, below is a rundown of the good and bad points of using DIT on Momo Notes.

The Good:
Tasks can be scheduled and rescheduled by editing the date and time
Smart lists allow you to view pre-scheduled tasks by day or week
Tags allow the tracking of tasks by projects and categories
Tags also facilitate diagnosis of task completion and backlogs

The Bad:
Scheduling repeated tasks can get, well, repetitive
Scheduling each and every task takes time and energy
Momo is at base a notes app, not a scheduling app

Still interested? Follow the more detailed discussion below.

The details of Do It Tomorrow are outside the scope of this post, and for a full explanation you will want to read Forster's book, information on which you can find through the link at the top of the page. Here, for the sake of clarity, I will only provide the most basic information on DIT.

The basics of the system consist of daily to do lists, which Forster calls will do lists because everything on the list should be done that day. The tasks on the daily will do list are also the only things that should be done that day. Anything new that comes up during the day, unless it's an actual emergency, goes on the next day's will do list,; hence the title. Forster advocates this method as a way to organize work without the chaos and stress of trying to deal with an endlessly expanding workload.

I've found the system makes sense for me, and was using a paper planner to implement it when I bought an iPod Touch to listen to audiobooks. I quickly discovered its other uses, including taking notes. Hooked on jotting  down passing thoughts and maintaining a list of books I wanted to check out, I wanted a more powerful memo-taking app and unwittingly downloaded what, in my opinion, is the killer app for Do It Tomorrow on the iPhone and iPod Touch.

Momo Notes for the iPhone/iPod Touch is a simple yet full-featured note-taking app from developer MK HQ. In addition to the usual tag and synchronization functionalities (the latter through the momolog website, which offers very quick synch), Momo also offers smart lists and the ability to change the date of a note.

Smart lists work much like smart playlists on iTunes, a rules-based filter providing a dynamically updated list. Just as one can specify tracks rated higher than four stars and/or purchased within the last week for a smart playlist, a smart list can have conditions like notes tagged "urgent" and "MK HQ account" that were created within the past two days. Such a smart list might be named #MKurgent. There are quite a few rules available for the creation of of these lists, one of Momo's best features.

By now the reader may have an inkling of how Momo Notes works to implement DIT on the iPhone/iPod. Let me illustrate further with an example and pictures.

Let's say I have a number of tasks I need to do. I need to drop my worn shoes off to get the soles replaced, catch up on four issues of magazines that piled up in my mailbox, and write up a proposal. I fire up Momo Notes on my iTouch...

And write each task up as a separate note. (This makes the management of tasks more modular, as we will shortly see..) I tag each task/note appropriately, maybe "shoes," "fashion," "repairs," or "errand" or some combination of those for dropping off the shoes. Obviously the tags can be as detailed or as general as one's needs dictate and can come in handy for review, as we will see later. The task is also tagged "willdo," my tag for everything that goes on a daily will-do list.

Some tasks, like the backlogged magazines, are similar repeated tasks. I might decide to read one issue a day and maybe take special notes of Issue 267 because it pertains to my line of work. Again, each task is a separate note, tagged willdo plus relevant tags such as perhaps "magazines," "currentevents," and maybe "backlog," if you want to track backlogs for diagnostic purposes.

The proposal project probably needs to be broken up into different tasks, such as "Call Khalil re budget for kce event," "Write outline for event proposal," "Write opening for event proposal" and so on. In addition to the usual tags and the willdo tag, I tag every task in that project with an identifying project tag, such as "kceevent" and "kceproposal." Again, the tags are as detailed or simple as they need to be.

If these are all today's tasks, then I'm already set, but I may want to schedule some of these tasks on different days. For instance I might not want to read all four issues on the same day but read one a day for the next four days, or one every Monday. Momo makes this easy by letting the user edit not only the content but the date of the memo. I can choose to edit the note, tap the date, and simply switch the date of each task note to the day I will actually do the task. This is an advantage of treating each task as a separate note--each can be given a different date, and that date can be changed easily.

So now I have a set of tasks, whether independent or part of a larger project. They are all scheduled for the correct date. What next? In a given day or week, how do I survey my will-do lists and the tasks I decided to finish in that time?

This is where smart lists come in. They come with a number of possible options, including what tags to include, what tasks to exclude, and what dates to include or exclude. I simply customize two smart lists for today's will-do list and this week's will-do list.

For the #today smart list (the hash is not required, but it's a useful way to distinguish these lists from static tags), I set the rules that the tag is "willdo," and the date is today. I set the list to match all rules. For #thisweek it's much the same, except the date range is this week instead today. Depending on your needs you can do this month, this year etc., although I've found that a week is about the maximum I need. I'll explain the #unfinished tag shortly, though by this point you can pretty much guess what it's for and even what its rules look like.

Now that the smart lists are set up, I can touch the #today tag to get a list of tasks I allocated to today, and #thisweek to look at what my task load and schedule look like this week. Since Momo by default only shows the first line in the preview, I get a clean view of the main headings. Maybe I noted down details of the task, such as a phone number to call, in the body of the task note, in which case I can just touch the note to see the detail.

So what happens when the tasks are done? There are two main ways. The first is to simply erase the note--which is another advantage of having one task per one note. The second is to add a tag, such as "done." You might want to do the former for mundane tasks that won't need a review, and the latter for tasks whose completion you might want to keep track of. In the latter case, you might want to exclude notes tagged "done" from the #today and #thisweek smart lists (by setting "tag is not done") if you want to view only unfinished tasks. You could also set up separate smart lists for, say, tasks finished this day or this week.

What if I finish a day without going through my whole will do list? That's what the #unfinished smart tag is for. The rules are "Tag is willdo" and "Memo in the last 30 days." If you use the tagging method for managing finished tasks, you will also need to add a rule like "Tag is not done." This way you can keep track of unfinished tasks which you can reschedule, give up on, delegate (in which case keeping track of the delegation is another task) and so on.

Finally, I can track projects and diagnose time usage using the static tags. By touching "kceevent", for instance, I can see all the tasks relating to the KCE event, what I have to do for that event, and when I will work on them. I can also use tags like "errands" or "backlog" to help me diagnose how much time I spend on errands or how big a problem backlogs are. For the latter purpose, tagging tasks "done" may be preferable to erasing them. It all depends on what you need.

Of course, while Momo works quite well to implement the DIT system on the iPhone or iPod Touch, it is not perfect. For one thing, writing up and scheduling the tasks can be a monotonous (or is that momotonous?) task, especially if you have a lot of repetition for a number of days. If a note could be scheduled for a range of days, or could be easily duplicated and reused, Momo would dramatically improve its support of DIT. If it further came hooked to an alarm, system, I would not need another time management application as long as I lived.

For me, personally, these limitations are not serious. I don't schedule really repetitive tasks ("eat" "sleep" "check e-mail"), Forster's example in his book notwithstanding, and I rather like to spend the time thinking about when to perform a task and then doing the scheduling. It connects me to the task on some level, and makes the choice of doing the task and when to do it more meaningful to me.

Of course your mileage may vary, and it's important to recognize that Momo is in its present form a note-taking app (a usage I still use it avidly for), and not a full-fledged scheduling app. All these are important considerations in deciding whether or not it is the right app to implement DIT for you, according to your own needs and preferences.

Overall I've found the simple yet robust Momo Notes more than adequate as a Do It Tomorrow system scheduler. On the recommendation of my friend lhovamp, fellow Momo user who got me hooked on the app, I've provided my way of using DIT on Momo Notes. I hope this helps anyone who is searching for a good DIT app, and helps them make the best choice according to their needs and tastes. Any feedback, information, and suggestions are much appreciated.

In moments of clarity, whether because the mind perceives without self-deception or because circumstances strip away such defenses, we see past that thin veneer of order and civilization. We see that the universe is fundamentally uncaring of human needs and desires, and its inexorable laws have no plan of or solicitation for our fragile and precarious existence.

In that physical space human beings, like all forms of life, strive for survival and, if possible, prosperity, cooperating with or taking from one another as their different resources, strategies, and interests dictate. This is the foundation on which our everyday lives are conducted, that struggle to carve survival and comfort out of surroundings that care nothing for us.

생각해보면 나는 편한 데에 너무 길들여진 것 같다.

뭐 편한 것 자체는 좋은데, 문제는 그 틀에서 벗어날 생각을 하면 불안~하다는 거지.

그러다 보니 변화가 그렇게 불안할 수가 없다. 자신의 능력에 대한 불신도 상당하고.

뭔가 새로운 것을 개척해가고 내 삶을 만들어갈 수 있다는 신뢰는 별로 없다.

잘 돼도 노력이 아닌 요행 같아서 내 부족함을 언제 들킬까 늘 불안하다.

하긴 뭐, 변화가 두려운 건 어느 정도 인간 본성이기는 하지.

대개는 불확실한 것을 위해 지금 있는 것을 버리기 힘든 게 인간이니까.

노동의 경쟁이 심한 시대에 어떤 직장이든 없는 것보다는 낫다는 방어기제이기도 하겠다.

하지만 젊어서 고생은 사서도 한다는 말은 괜히 나온 게 아니기도 하다.

고생을 해보았다는 것은 역경 앞에서 자기 생활을 제어해본 적이 있다는 뜻이며,

그만큼 변화의 불확실성 앞에 당당할 수 있다는 뜻일 테니까.

고생할 텐데 난 아마 안 될 거야 못할 거야 하는 자기불신과 불안에 갇히는 대신에

자기 갈 길을 파악하고, 고생도 이겨낼 수 있다는 자신감 위에 움직인다면

그거야말로 돈 주고 사서라도 마련할 만한 자산인 거다.

사실 하루에 16시간 주7일 힘겨운 육체노동을 하는 사람도 있는데,

내가 할 수 있는 정도의 '고생'을 무슨 고생이라고 하겠는가, 완전 호강이지.

사람이 사람을 착취하고 지상에 지옥을 만드는 그 지독한 악순환을 끊는 데에

작은 기여라도 할 수 있다면, 아무리 힘들어도 기운이 팍팍 날 것 같다.

시덥잖은 생각인지도 모르겠지만, 목표 앞에서 이렇게 설레어본 것은 처음인걸.

지금은 이 느낌을 믿고 가보고 싶다. 그러다 보면 길이 보일지도 모르니까.

잘못 생각하는 부분도 있을 수 있고, 그릇된 판단을 내릴 수도 있어.

그런 의미에서 지금 가는 길이 막다른 골목에 부딪힌 것이 오히려 다행이다.

안 그랬으면 방향을 바꾸기는 어려웠을지도 모르니까.

많이 알아보고 생각해서 그런 시행착오를 줄이려고 노력해야겠지만,

실수할 땐 실수하더라도 시행착오를 두려워하지는 않으려고 한다.

내가 살아가는 내일에 두려움이 아니라 기대와 희망이 가득하기를 바라니까.

안한 거다. 못한다고 핑계를 대고 실은 안한 거야. 하기 싫어서, 정말 죽도록 싫어서. 어쩌면 공부같은 거 해선 안 된다고 생각했을지도 모른다. 왜 내가 유학 같은 걸 가서 엄마랑 보낼 수 있었던 시간을 흘려보냈나 하는 회한이 몇 번이나 수면에 떠올랐다가 가라앉는 걸 지켜보았으니까. 한창 페이퍼 쓸 때 엄마가 아프셨으니까, 내가 다시 그렇게 열심히 작업하면 또 불행이 벌어질 것이라는 (따라서 안함으로써 막아볼 수 있다는) 주술적인 생각이었을까. 그렇게 혼자의 불안에 침잠한 채, 고통을 피하는 당장의 위안을 방해받기 싫어서 도움조차 제대로 청하지 않았다. 몸만 컸지 어른이 아니다, 삶의 불확실성과 부담으로부터 도망치는 어린아이일 뿐.

알게 뭐야? 어차피 꽤 가깝다고 생각한 사람들에게 얘기해도 그렇게 생각하면 안 된다는 대답이나 어색한 침묵이 돌아왔을 뿐인데. 가장 정면으로 마주봐준 사람도 어떻게 해줄 수가 없이 안타까워했을 뿐이라 말한 걸 곧 후회했다. 자신의 고통에도 마주하기 어려운데 누가 남의 고통까지, 그 복잡하고 유치하고 비합리적인 속내까지 감내하고 싶겠어. 자신의 아픔도 어떻게 할 수 없는데 남의 아픔을 어떡하라고. 그러니까 말하지 않고 적당히 감추는 게, 어색하지 않게 자신에게도 숨기는 게 현명한 거다. 내가 삭히고 내가 해결하는 게 옳은데...

어차피 우주에 의미 같은 건 없다. 염세적으로 얘기하는 게 아니라 실제로 그렇다. 인간의 의지나 감정, 소망에 이 세상은 어떤 상관도 하지 않는다. 의미가 있다면 스스로 만들어내는 것뿐이지만, 오늘같은 밤에는 피곤해서 그런 데 기운을 쓰기 싫어. 아침에는 좀 나아질지 모르지만, 어차피 살다가 죽는 거 뭐 그렇게 바둥바둥 살아야 하나. Life's a bitch and then you die (인생은 개같고 그러다 죽는다). 오늘 하루종일 떠오른 말이다. 졸려서 칭얼거리네, 자야지.

나는 대단하지 않아도 된다.

'성공'하지 않아도 괜찮다.

그저 즐거우면 된다.

무엇이 진정 즐거운지 찾아서 하면,

그리고 그렇게 함으로써 하루하루가 즐거우면

그게 성공이고, 그게 진짜 대단한 거다.

이제 성공의 족쇄에서 놓여나자.

불안이 아닌 희망의 렌즈로 내일을 보고 싶어.

의무나 명성이 아니라 기쁨을 위해 살았다고,

그래서 삶이 너무나 즐거웠다고 죽을 때 말하고 싶어.

I don't have to be...

Anything.

I will be what I want.

To speak no longer in the language of obligation and fear

But of joy and desire

Is the highest aspiration of life

And the noblest way to live.

I'm scared because freedom is a terrible, frightening thing,

(Thus spake V, and I believe him for he is wise)

And laughing at myself because I know the risk I take is vanishingly small

Compared to the size of my fear.

But laugh at me, do, for I am really a small-minded, sheltered woman

Whose fears outmatch any of her realities,

Petit-bourgeois, navel-gazing in the worst of ways.

Is there a point to all this? Does there have to be?

This is my own declaration of independence, in my narrow bourgeois way.

Freedom from expectations, freedom from self doubt

And aye, from obligation, that dour, sour-faced death of love.

I'm looking, I'm searching, seeking ultimately myself

Somewhere to belong, something to do, someone to be

I may find it tomorrow, next year, a lifetime later, never;

I may waste my potential, my money, my time, my life--

But I will never regret the search. This I believe.

무엇이 막혀있었는지 조금은 알 것 같다.

난 편한 자리에, 지위와 타인의 시선에 집착하고 있었던 거야.

그러나 스스로 신념이 없는 일을 해서는 죽었다 깨어나도 행복할 수 없다.

그 사실을 깨달으면서 내게는 새로운 꿈이 생겼다. 새로운 사랑만큼이나 설레는 기대감과 불안이...

잘못 생각하는 것일 지도 모른다. 실패할 지도 몰라. 때로는 분명 후회할 거다. 그냥 지금 상황에 대한 도피일 수도 있다.

그렇게 생각하면서도 이건 포기할 수가 없다. 그저 이걸 할 수만 있다면 실패하더라도 충분히 행복할 것 같아.

잘 될까? 성공할까? 가치는 있는 일일까? 모르지. 세상에 보장받은 게 어딨어?

하지만 정말 많이 원하긴 한다. 지금은 일단 이 느낌을 믿어보고 달리고 싶어.

겁도 나고 불안하더라도 온전히 나답게 내 열정을 쫓고 싶어.

비록 잘못이었다 하더라도, 비록 도피에  열정이라는 그럴싸한 이름을 붙인 게 전부였다 하더라도,

그건 내 실패이며, 나의 시행착오이겠지. 따라서 나의 삶일 것이다.